CNF; Creation.

Well after 9 years of trying and many miscarriages, the two loving parents were blessed with a second child, a child that screamed for the first 6 months of her innocent life, colic they called it. Getting her tonsils removed at 1 years old, a daughter who was always falling and getting hurt, at 3 running the closet door over her toes. At 4 she knocked her two front teeth out, At 5 getting stitches on the bridge of her nose, at 5 and a half getting stitches on her left eyebrow. At 7 getting stitches on the right, at 12 she almost cut her ring finger off, and 13 got scissors stuck in her left hand, at 11 she had her first anxiety attack, from there it only got worse, she became very protective over her mom and didn't want her mom to ever leave her side because if her mom was with her, she knew that her mom was safe, she was scared to go anywhere, she didn't want to be left alone, she was trapped. She took medicine and still does and that seems to help alot, at 16 she got sick, and every thing she ate would make her throw up and she was getting too skinny, she couldn't even put a whole peice of gum in her mouth with out feeling like she was going to puke, she went to the doctor and they didn't do anything, she just kept losing weight, she was losing weight becoming fragile, and then they upped the dosage on her medicine and that seemed to help, at 17 she has gained all her weight back and lots more, her parents love her and so do most people, even though there has been some struggles she is still a happy girl, like she has been since she was put on this earth, she is  surrounded by great family and friends, and she going off to school soon, who knows where that will take this determined, self concious, funny, caring, sweet girl. 

CNF; Fearless

Without fear; Bold or brave; intrepid. For me fearless means scared of nothing, you let nothing stop you, you are not afraid of failure, or afraid of anything really. You always try new things, you don't not do something because of fear. Not afraid of death or love, not afraid of denial or acceptance, your not worried; you are secure in yourself, and with yourself. Fear is something that I believe that everyone has, I believe that everyone is afraid of something if you are afraid of something, of you are afraid of nothing you are a hero. Everyone is afraid of different things, that what makes everyone different. Some are afraid of death, and the ones who aren't do jobs where they risk their lives everyday. People who are afraid of reptiles or spiders are not going to work with them. People work around their fears , usually people dot want to face their. I am fearfull of being hurt and being accepted, I am fearfull to trust; nobody is fearless, unless they have faced all of their fears multiple times, and have leaned they are not fears at all. Why are we so fearfull? Why are so few genuinely fearless? What are you afraid of?

CNF; Simply Nothing

    My phone rang , interrupting my show, I reached over to the controller hit pause and glanced down to my phone. The screen read "momma" I pressed the green answer button only to hear my mom on the other side of the phone telling me all the chores that needed to be done before she got home. "Laundry, dishes, bathrooms, vacuum..." the list seemed to go on and on, the chore list soon turned into a lecture, my mind began to wander. 

  How are we here? Are we alive? Is this all a dream? What happens when we die? Are there aliens? How did we get here; evolution or god? Who started all of this? How have we come so far? Is there ghosts? If so are they real? When you die do you stay in the ground? Or does your spirit go off into the after life? Do you come back alive? Reincarnation? Angels? Demons? What is real and what is fake? Why are there so many questions and so few answers? Why can't we live forever? How have we found out what we already know? Is there other living organisms on other planets? Why are we all so different? Why do we all have different perspectives on things? Why do we have emotions? Why do we have cancer and autism? Do come animals have those things? How are some people gifted with great talents and others with none? Why are some people gorgeous and some ugly? How can gravity keep us all on our feet? What makes our planet different than others? How come nothing in life is promised except death? Why is death the only thing we all have in common? What happens when you die? Why is there more war than peace? Why is there so much war? Why do people have great imaginations? Why am I so far from perfection? Why is there jealousy? Why must people cheat and lie? Why are something's "fake" and what makes them fake? Why do we dream at night? What causes our dreams? Why do some people laugh at different things? Am I funny? Do people like me? Will robots rule the world one day? Why are some people so outgoing and some so shy? Why are there drugs? What makes people think it is okay to kill other people? Or abuse others? Why are some people so mean? How can you not feed your animals and kids? Why are some people so b*tchy? What happened in there life that makes people like that? Why does the sun come up everyday at the same time and the earth rotates? How does that happen so perfectly? Why are some people filthy rich and some so poor? Why do people act like other people? Why can't people be who they are? Why do people judge? Why can't we be like avatars? Or what if we are? What if people are controlling our bodies? What If our whole planet existed on someone else's thumb nail? What if we had a hero, like superman and he was president? What if we had villains, and instead of robberies and rapes we dealt with these villains who tried to take over out planet? Do animals have their own little societies? Do they have their own friends like we do? Why is it your heart that aches when someone dies? How do we move out fingers? When you dont even think about it? What if every time that you wanted to move your fingers you has to say outloud "Move Thumb."? Am I alive?.... "KELSEY!, KELSEY!" my mom shouted into the phone.. "are you listening to me?" she asked. "yes mom" I replied.
"what were you doing Kelsey?"
"I was doing nothing mom, keep going."....

CNF; 150 Words

In the winter, a girl realized she had fallen in love, she realized she was in a relationship, where she relied on this boy, this simple boy, that had fallen for her. They were reliant on each other and couldn’t be apart. Friends would say, “ You are very reliant on each other, that’s not good.” Their friends noticed the two becoming distant from their usual friends, and becoming closer to each other. Others would never understand the passion the two have… The need to be together, the want, the desire. With college around the corner, the girl doesn’t know how to be away, how will she be able to grow? How can she be with him and be able to move on and go away, she is terrified of the heartbreak, scared to death to be left, by this boy, this simple boy who has completely taken her heart. 

CNF; A Meal To Remember

     Cattlemens , western, country, olden days, south, plad shirts, anything you could ever need, they got it. Pictures of cowboys on their horses, wagons, the smell seasoned meat, the smell nobody can resist. The second the creaky wooden doors opened, a man or woman in a western outfit would take you to your table, set you down, give you menus and tell you about who your waiter would be. On the menu would be these crazy items, meals like "the sherif" or "the deputy". Other country western names, I ordered the filet mingon, with a side of mashed potatoes. Just saying my order to the waitress made my mouth water, I ordered milk to drink,  the chilled milk to wash down the loafs of sourdough bread that is brought to you to snack on before your meal; after what seemed like forever our waitress brought out our meals, steam rising off the plates, the waiter set them down on the wooden table and read off what was on her tray. "filet mingon?" she asked, "me" I replied, the perfect 6oz steak, mashed potatoes, and a piece of Cale was placed perfectly on my clean white plate. I placed my square maroon napkin on my lap, picked up my fork and my steak knife and cut into the juicy, melt-in-your-mouth filet. A meal that my taste buds will never forget.

CNF; Leatherbys Photo.

Two simple innocent people, one tall, dark and handsome man and one blonde, fair skinned girl. Who both grew up in small towns with a mom and dad and an older sibling.  Nothing stopping there young attitudes. These two youngsters had sports, friends and school keeping them busy at their young age. These two totaly seperate people had never met until freshman year in high school. Both dated other people and learned new things, they hung out with other people and did different things. Sophomore year they had two classes together, math and science, two classes they both struggled in. The girl immediately noticed that he was best friends with her best friends crush.  Strange.. the girl started hanging out more with him, at school. She tried everything for him to notice me, brought him brownies on his birthday, she did his homework for him,  she let him and his friend, also her best friends crush, his name is Anthony, use my phone to play games. She tried everything. He didn’t seem to interested at first, he just went on about his life, and she kept trying.  We had a mutual friend who had a birthday party that we were both invited to. That’s where we really hit it off. She tried to play all these games and be good at them, she went swimming and jumped in the freezing cold pool with him, She didn’t want to do that at all. But she did it to impress him. After the party they started texting and making small talk, and the girl wore cute clothes to school and went out of her way to be amazing. They hung out a couple times, and had a lot of fun, went swimming, miniature golfing, lazer tag, bowling. He started to seem interested, but she still wasn’t sure. They went to the movies and saw Nightmare On Elm Street, the girl thought it would be perfect. During the move, he reached over a grabbed her hand, butterflys sunk deep in her stomach, and she pretended to be scared, but of course wasn’t. at the end of the movie, the girl reached over and gave him a kiss, two weeks later he asked her to be his girlfriend, and now its been a year and a half and still going strong.

CNF; Alternative Prompt; Pick a Line

"why are you worried about death? Only the gods are immortal anyways."
      -- literature language arts book
 -- Gilgamesh, pg 48.

    Nobody wants to die, I think that nobody wants to leave this earth. Nobody wants to leave the ones they love, and nobody wants anyone to leave them. Nobody wants to be left alone. Death is a scary thing, one minute you are breathing and living, the next-- you are dead, into the ground and sent to the heavens, that's what everyone says anyways. "he is happy now." "he is out of pain." "god will take care of him.". How do we know that. I'm unsure of my opinions on where people, animals or anything goes when they die. Why do we have to die? How do we know that life is real, like how are we all here? Is this all one big dream that we are all living in? How do we know where people go when they die, I think that you won't know what happens, until you die. But do you know anything when you are dead? Can you think when you are dead? Can you remember when you are dead? Can you watch the ones you love ? Why does anyone have to die, all it does is bring others pain and sorrow. Can someone explain death to me.

CNF; Memories

    The smell of burnt popcorn filled the air, the sound of avatar blaring out the tv, his hand in mine. May 21,2010. The smell of hot dog burps, the sound of the crowd cheering, his hand in mine, the ball park, River Cats game 2010.  The smell of the ocean air, sand everywhere, his hand in mine, Santa Cruz 2010. The fresh mountain air, my family, the sound of laughter filled the air, rocking in the hammock, his hand in mine, Tahoe 2010. Pink skirt, a white tank top, black wig, he was a girl for halloween, the stomach ache from the candy, but his hand in mine, Halloween 2010. A giant cookie, a dozen roses, and a shirt on my desk, I said yes with his hand in mine, homecoming 2010. The smell of sushi filled the air and the wheel at Mikuni went around, all of my friends at the Table, his hand in mine,November 3, 2010. A concussion, falling on my butt, laughter and frustration, but with all the fighting, still his hand in mine, December 2010. Poop and bulls, crazy cowboys and wild cowgirls, his hand in mine, PBR 2011. 380.00$ out of my pocket, but a smile on his face and Beats over his ears, my hand in his, April 25,2011. The next months filled with football camps and even after a tackle, his hand in mine.

CNF; Growing Is Forever

The innocent grow into a world full of beautiful, tall and peaceful trees, a world were there are no wars, and no battles, there are no arguments and no yelling. a place where trees are accepting of other trees, and the world is untouched. a place where there is no wrong, only right. and a place where happiness is the only option, and the only thing stoping you is your own thoughts, a place that is perfect..
<3
Peacefull;Beautiful;Innocent;Untouched;Accepting.

My Mom;

   My Mom;

Don’t make someone your center; don’t lie; don’t cheat; stay strong and you will live strong; be yourself and people will love you; find what your hear desires while your young; each person has a passion; learn from your mistakes the first time; whatever situation you are in can always be worse; honesty is the best policy; eat healthy; stop eating shit that’s bad for you; get longer shorts; be home before ten; go to the gym; money doesn’t fall from trees; I’m sorry I’m never home; why do you never like what I cook; you cook dinner from now on; do the dishes; don’t pay for cameron’s gas with my gas card; respect your elders; will you have some sense of work ethic; always smile because your smile is beautiful; you cant go back in time; you cant always please everybody; never go to bed mad; always say goodnight; I love you. 

Eyes Wide Open..

My eyes are open to the shade of the tree, how the roots run deep into the ground, how the grass comes to a stop once it reaches the hot pavement. A pathway that is full of chewed gum, dirt and cracks, a path that has been walked on by people with big dreams and people with small dreams. A pathway that has been walked on by many different races and a pathway that people with all different lives and stories have walked on. a pathway were not one footstep is the same as another, a pathway that will hopefully lead us to our future. 


"Life is a beach and i am just playing in the sand." - Lil Wayne. 

Why I Write...

I write because I feel all these emotions that if I let out I'd seem insane, and obsessive, jealous, insecure, extremely self conscious, hurt, I'd be clingy and doubtful, I'd be sad and upset. I write because I don't want to bother anybody with my true emotions. I write because I struggle with trust, I write because it's easier to write than to speak. I write because it clears my head that is full of emotions and thoughts. Writing makes me happy to get everything off my chest. I write because I dont want to complain. I write becauae i worry.I write because paper doesn't judge. <3