Thursday, December 1, 2011
CNF; Creation.
Well after 9 years of trying and many miscarriages, the two loving parents were blessed with a second child, a child that screamed for the first 6 months of her innocent life, colic they called it. Getting her tonsils removed at 1 years old, a daughter who was always falling and getting hurt, at 3 running the closet door over her toes. At 4 she knocked her two front teeth out, At 5 getting stitches on the bridge of her nose, at 5 and a half getting stitches on her left eyebrow. At 7 getting stitches on the right, at 12 she almost cut her ring finger off, and 13 got scissors stuck in her left hand, at 11 she had her first anxiety attack, from there it only got worse, she became very protective over her mom and didn't want her mom to ever leave her side because if her mom was with her, she knew that her mom was safe, she was scared to go anywhere, she didn't want to be left alone, she was trapped. She took medicine and still does and that seems to help alot, at 16 she got sick, and every thing she ate would make her throw up and she was getting too skinny, she couldn't even put a whole peice of gum in her mouth with out feeling like she was going to puke, she went to the doctor and they didn't do anything, she just kept losing weight, she was losing weight becoming fragile, and then they upped the dosage on her medicine and that seemed to help, at 17 she has gained all her weight back and lots more, her parents love her and so do most people, even though there has been some struggles she is still a happy girl, like she has been since she was put on this earth, she is surrounded by great family and friends, and she going off to school soon, who knows where that will take this determined, self concious, funny, caring, sweet girl.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
So i liked the step by step injuries the character had which kinda showed how much of a klutz she was. i kinda got confused in the middle of the text though. it said at eleven she suffered her first anxiety attack but is worried about her mother for some reason. So clarify on why she had the attack and why she was afraid for her mother
ReplyDeleteI liked the structure of this piece, listing off all of the different incidents age by age. It worked well not only to show what happened, but the passing of time.
ReplyDeleteI just think that some of it could be shortened a bit into less of a run-on sentence. Try to add some periods in where they're needed, it makes the whole thing easier to follow.
Overall, nice piece.
I really liked this story, but after the first couple sentences, i don't really understand what it had to do with the creation part. The second thing that i could help you with is when you are talking about your injuries and ages 11-13, i think it would work better if you put the 11 years old one first, instead of last. Thank you for sharing your story with me.
ReplyDeleteI loved the story, it tell me alot about you. All i have to say is that you could use some more detail (:
ReplyDeleteHow you listed multiple things worked for how you grew as a person. It worked pretty good. I was confused at times but overall good job.
ReplyDeleteI loved your story but something you could work on is better sensory details
ReplyDelete